This is my writing about the beach, each subject is highlighted a different colour.
The hot sand burned my feet as I walked the down the peaceful beach making footprints. Footprints weaved around the sand castles on the beach. The waves smashed against the rocks as loud as a lions roar. The waves made little kids trip over. Dribble castles, high turrets, kids made castles in the burning sand.
The sky was as blue as a sky on a perfect summers day. Seagulls soared around it, screeching in the distance. An adult handed out helium balloons to a few kids having a party.Two of the helium balloons floated up to the sky as I heard a child cry.
The taste of watermelon swirled in my mouth as I took a bite out of a juicy piece of watermelon from the family picnic. “Yum” shouted my sister as she took a bite into her piece of watermelon.
The smell of sausages on the BBQ was dragging me back to the yummy family picnic.
I like the different images you paint in your description, especially the weaving footprints. Next learning needs to be, not using the same word twice in the same sentence. e.g. sky, sky & watermelon, watermelon.
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