The wind howled through the trees and rain crashed onto the tent’s roof. I snuggled up inside my sleeping bag listening to the fearsome storm. There was a rustle, and I sat bolt upright. I looked around, but it was only my brother, reaching for his comic. My watch flashed 9:00.
The tent flap unzipped, and mum stepped in.
“Hey kids,” she exclaimed, “come look at this.”
I pulled over my jacket, and eagerly stepped out of the tent.
The sight was perplexing. A million glowing fireflies illuminated the forest. It was if all the world’s light had come to this particular forest.
Great choice of vivid verbs (crashed, snuggled, illuminated), interesting adjectives (fearsome, perplexing) and precise nouns (rustle, sight). Nice work.
ReplyDeleteI can't see your writing!?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteNice choice of adjectives. I had to highlight your work to see it can you fix that.
ReplyDeleteGood work Lizzy,
ReplyDeleteI like how you are in a tent and it's horrible outside. I liked the fireflies aswell.
Maggie, :)
Thanks for you positive and thoughtful comments.
ReplyDeleteHi Lizzy, Freya from Kaniere School.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you have described what it was like outside.
I went out camping once at Lake Mahanapua in Hokitika and my friend said that she saw a frog and heard lots of frogs crocking.
Was it hard to go to sleep? Did you have fun?